"I Was Terrified To Get Pregnant Again After Having to Flee Tennessee for a Life-Saving Abortion"

This story originially appeared on Bonnie Fuller’s Substack

“I always wanted to be a mom when I was a little girl. My dream was to have two kids. When my husband Bryan and I got married in March 2022 we decided we would first buy a house in Clarksville, Tennessee and then try for a baby.

I found out that I was pregnant just a few days after moving into our new home. I remember that I just handed Bryan the positive pregnancy test and he was really excited.

He picked me up and twirled me around. He was so happy.

We learned that we were expecting a girl at my 15 week sonogram and we decided to call her Miley. We were inspired by Miley Cyrus. My husband and I really liked her music.

My 6 year-old daughter from a previous relationship, Adalie, was so delighted by our news that she told everyone who asked her, that she was going to be “a big sister.”

However, during my 20 week sonogram, Bryan and I were crushed by devastating news. Miley’s brain hadn’t developed properly and neither had her kidneys, her stomach and her bladder. Even though her little heart was beating, she only had half a heart working.

The doctor told us that my baby daughter had a rare condition called semilobar holoprosencephaly and that she wasn’t compatible with life. But not only that, the doctor warned that she could die inside me at any time and that the longer I remained pregnant,the greater the risk would be to my own future fertility and even to my life.

If Miley died in my womb, I could develop a life threatening case of sepsis which could lead to failure of my vital organs and then I could die.

However, if I decided not to risk my life and end my pregnancy I would have to leave Tennessee. My home state with a Republican supermajority legislature had banned abortions from the moment of conception with only a very narrow exception to save the life of the mother ( Editor’s Note: or if the pregnancy was causing irreversible impairment of a major bodily function).

Editors Note: Doctors can be jailed for up to 15 years in Tennessee for performing an abortion.

I sobbed as my husband Bryan called my mother to tell her the terrible news. I kept thinking that I should fight for Miley’s life. What if the doctors had made a mistake. But then if they were right – what if I died.

I couldn’t leave Adalie without her mom.

Adelie

It was the thought of Adalie motherless, that cemented my decision that I had to find a medical facility somewhere that would perform an abortion on me at 20 weeks.

My mom and I eventually were able to make an appointment at a clinic in New York City that could take me the next week. But since my husband and I live paycheck to paycheck, I had to appeal to strangers on TikTok to help me raise the $5000 I needed for the procedure and travel to NYC.

DISTRAUGHT AFTER LOSING MILEY & AFRAID TO GET PREGNANT

After the abortion I sunk into a deep depression. I wasn’t sure that I ever wanted to get pregnant again. I was so afraid of getting pregnant again after the trauma of learning about Miley’s condition at 20 weeks and having to flee Tennessee for care, that I was terrified to even have sex.

It was over a year after losing Miley that my husband and I finally decided to try for a baby again. Bryan talked about whether I was willing to take the risks again.

I didn’t know if I could handle leaving the state. There would be some days where I would be – okay, I’m ready, I wanna try and then I would change, I was still too scared.

Bryan kept telling me, “honey it’s your body. It’s your decision. If you want to try again, I’m all for it, we’ll try again. If you don’t, I’m not gonna bring it up. This is your body, you have to make that decision.”

It came down to a really serious discussion with Bryan. I was seeing my friends having babies. I felt like I was robbing myself of that experience and I wanted it.

It’s scary to be pregnant in Tennessee. It’s scary to be pregnant in this country in general. But I took the risk because I’m not going to let some lawmakers take away the dream that I’ve had since I was a little girl.

I got tired of letting them control my brain and my fear. I made the decision to get pregnant again because I want to be. Not because JD Vance wants more babies in America but because it was my dream.

When we finally committed to trying for another baby we tried for about six months and it wasn’t happening.I was tracking my ovulation, taking pills to boost my estrogen levels to help and lying on my back for 30 minutes after sex.

I felt like this was the universe saying, “ you’re not going to have this,” so we almost gave up.

And then three days later, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. It was like the universe answered my heartache. I’m 38 weeks pregnant now but we still have the fear of something happening.

When I showed Bryan my positive pregnancy test this time, he just said: “I’m glad that it worked.” Losing Miley had been really hard on him too. She had been his first biological child. So when I finally got pregnant it was like he disassociated. He said, ‘we’ll see what happens.”

We finally got through the big hurdle of the anatomy scan and seeing that our baby was perfectly healthy. But perfectly healthy fetuses die all the time. All along I knew that if something were to happen to my baby, I didn’t think I would be able to get care in Tennessee.

We learned that I’ll be having a boy and the first name that Bryan and I could agree on was Archie. It came from the show Riverdale. One of the characters on the show is Archie Andrews.

I don’t think that Bryan and I will have a sense of relief until he is out and perfectly healthy on the outside. ( Editor’s note: Allie just had her healthy baby boy!)

My husband wouldn’t show any sense of excitement or interest for the whole first four months. When Archie started kicking, I would ask him to hold my belly and he would say, “I’ll feel him kick when he’s here. He wouldn’t even touch my belly.

After I had the abortion I knew that I wanted to do something so that other people– regardless of their political views – didn’t have to experience what I had gone through which was completely inhumane.

Shortly after I was back home I was contacted by the Center for Reproductive Rights, asking if I would join a lawsuit against the Tennessee abortion law. The lawsuit, which is ongoing, is called Phillips V State of Tennessee.

I immediately said, yes because I thought – that’s how I could be of help.

Editor’s Note: The lawsuit contends that the ‘medical condition exception’ in the state’s abortion ban is too narrow and vague about when doctors can terminate a pregnancy in order to save a mother’s life without facing prosecution. The lawsuit also seeks clarification that doctors can provide an abortion when a fetus has a fatal diagnosis.(it currently doesn’t include that exception)

Linda Goldstein, Senior Counsel for The Center of Reproductive Rights, the lawyer who is leading the case against Tennessee, explained to Courier Texas that the Tennessee constitution states that residents of Tennessee can’t be denied their life and liberty without due process. That means that women who need medical abortions are having their ‘right to life’ infringed upon if the state prevents them from receiving lifesaving care.

Allie: “When I joined the Center’s lawsuit (against Tennessee’s abortion ban law) I thought this was how I was going to make change happen. But I quickly learned that state lawsuits are a very lengthy process, so I realized, Okay, maybe I gotta do something else.

I decided that I would go and meet with my district representative in the state legislature – Republican Jeff Burkhart. I told him about my idea for a bill that would be called, ‘Miley’s Law, which would provide for an exception in the state’s abortion ban, that would allow for the termination of pregnancies, when the fetus had a fatal diagnosis like Miley’s.

During that conversation, I quickly learned that these (Republican) lawmakers don’t know anything about reproductive care. He was confused because I had had a healthy first pregnancy and then lost my second one. He told me, “I thought only first pregnancies could go bad.”

Burkhart promised to set up a meeting between me and the state Attorney General, Jonathan Skrmetti, but he never followed through.

After that my mom said, maybe you should run against him. And then my TikTok followers started to say the same thing.

But the aha moment that made me finally decide to go ahead was when I learned about the 10 year-old girl in Ohio who was raped and had to travel to Indiana to obtain an abortion. ( Abortions were already banned in Ohio).

That was the last straw. I had a 6 year-old daughter and I was like, that’s it. Nobody’s going to protect my daughter like I would, so I’m going to do it.

I know what I went through as a grown ass woman. I couldn’t imagine a little girl going through that.

I had no idea about how to run for office. Not how to get on the ballot. I didn’t know that you’re supposed to have a team. I knew nothing about campaigns but I knew that I was at least going to try.

FIGHTING LAWMAKERS BY RUNNING FOR OFFICE

I announced on October 2nd of 2023 that I was going to run for office as a Democrat for a seat in the state legislature.

Fortunately I met Megan Lange,and she became my campaign manager. She built my website, created my logo, got me set up on email and became my close friend.

As a candidate, I found that what was most effective in connecting with voters was to remain authentic. I didn’t change who I was or lie about who I was. I was very open and honest about what I was going through. I had been running an in-home daycare as my job and I had to shut it down in order to campaign.

I spoke about how I was losing my income and then how my husband and I were struggling to pay the bills. I didn’t hide anything because I wanted people to relate to me. I’m not the wealthy person who’s running for office.

I was literally the poor neighbor that’s looking in the clearance aisle and pulling out coupons to buy groceries.

My constituents told me that they cared about public schools and were worried about school vouchers and I would say that I had a child who was special needs – my daughter’s autistic – that’s why I’m also against school vouchers and pro public schools.

When I was door knocking, a lot of people just wanted somebody to listen to them. There were times I would stand at someone’s door for an hour and they would talk about the struggles they had and they would thank me.

There were people who told me ,”I’ll vote for you for the simple fact that you came and knocked on my door and that had never happened before.”

That shouldn’t be normal. You should be able to have access to the people who are supposedly representing you.

I discovered that there were a good chunk of Trump/Allie voters. One gentleman told me that he had voted for Republicans for his entire life and he said he didn’t agree with a lot of things that I was running on but the one thing he could agree with, is the fact that I’m a father and I have daughters at home.

He said that what was going on in our state and across the country is not okay. “And I voted for you. For the first time in my life, I voted for a Democrat.”

THE TOLL IT TOOK ON HER HUSBAND & MARRIAGE

Campaigning though took a toll on my marriage and family. I remember calling Megan and crying that I couldn’t do it anymore. My husband and I kind of drifted apart because I felt like I had to prioritize reaching voters.

Allie & Bryan

I missed out on a lot of time with Adalie, including her school events.

She would ask me, “ Mommy, why are you always gone?”

Finally, Megan, the Democratic party county chair and I agreed that I was a mom first and candidate second. I would cut down on campaign events. And then I found out that I was pregnant too. I was nauseous as hell and so fatigued.

But I didn’t want to tell anyone ( in the Democratic party) but Megan. I didn’t want the voters to know because there’s already a lot of misogyny around women candidates. And I didn’t want people to ask: “How are you going to be a good representative and have a baby?.” We didn’t want to lose voters.

I finally announced my pregnancy during my concession speech on election night. I had earned 45% of the vote, which was the closest margin of any Democrat in Tennessee trying to flip a seat in the state legislature in 2024.I had a higher percentage of votes than Kamala did in my district.

Now, I think that if I do run again I would probably choose something local like the County Commission, City Council or the School Board, where I could make more of an impact on my local community.

Even if I had won the state district seat, the Republicans still would have had a supermajority in the Statehouse and I wouldn’t be able to get anything done. They are so drunk with power, they won’t even hear Democratic bills.

And at 30 I would have been the youngest woman in the House too and they wouldn’t take me seriously for shit.

But I will continue to share my abortion story. A lot of the Republican voters I talked to while campaigning didn’t even know we had an abortion ban. I will share my story for 20 years if I have to because it does make a difference. I think it helped me pull that 45% of the vote.

And now my husband Bryan’s mind has shifted about our baby. He’ll come and lay right next to me on the bed and put his hand on my belly and be like,“hey son”, and he’ll talk to him.

Now, he says all the time, “ I can’t wait for you to get here.” He’ll play him his music and tell him that he hopes he likes cars and video games.”

Editor’s Notes: ( Editor’s note: Allie just had her healthy baby boy!) looks forward to testifying in the next phase of the Phillips V Tennessee case, which will be in April 2026. The suit has been successful so far in creating exceptions, allowing abortions, for women whose water breaks early ( PPROM) and for women like Allie, who are carrying fetuses with fatal diagnosis.

Phillips recently spoke out about escaping Tennessee after her tragic pregnancy and then running for office, at the Abortion in America conference in Austin, Texas. The conference honored the organization’s co-founder the late Cecile Richards and was put together by her two co-founders – Lauren Peterson and Kaitlyn Joshua.